Timely Baptism

God knew that this would time itself out perfectly. Weeks ago I signed up to be baptized. Never been since I was a baby but I felt like this would be the time. Here's what I wrote to our pastor yesterday:

"My Nana went home to be with Jesus last night. We are so joyful but still sad.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know - in case I can't put it into words tomorrow, how much I am praising my Father for timing this the way he did. I hadn't felt the need to be baptized and then I found out that you were doing it this weekend at the School House - the location of my bridal shower 10 years ago in July. So this year as we celebrate 10 years of marriage on September 6, we'll be doing it as a marker of a whole new marriage with Christ as the center. That was huge.

And then there's the Nana part. When we went to visit her when she was really bad in March, I think I told you, Lamar that she was SO ELATED for Bob's baptism - she had prayed for our marriage so long. Also she had been immersion baptized probably just maybe 15 years ago and she just knew it was such a celebration. She was a woman of quiet faith and it was a real step for her to go public. Very much God in her. And maybe that's where some of my spiritual roots are in being private in my faith. So it will be very special tomorrow for me in that way too. I know that in some way, she will know that I'm honoring her memory in it too as well as my rededication to my Savior."

Praise God the giver of all things. Today I celebrate afresh a new life in Christ.

You will never know...

I have never in my life felt so held up in prayer. I cannot begin to explain what an amazing comfort in Christ I have felt through His loyal servants here on earth. Iron City Church friends, work friends, other friends in Christ, blogging friends. God has connected my family with the most amazing people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Your love is clearly inspired by the giver of love Himself. We feel it.

Amazing Grace - My Chains are Gone

My chains are gone, I've been set free,
My God my Savior has ransomed me.
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Un-ending love
Amazing Grace.

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine,
But He who called me here below,
Will be forever mine.
You are forever mine.

Nana went home to be with her Jesus last night at 11:17pm. She is in a place where she will never again have pain in her face or an ache of guilt or insecurity in her heart. She will truly know for the first time since she took her first breath, that

she is loved by the One and Only God of the Universe......Amen

Waiting

Nana has been mostly unresponsive and bad for the last several days. Since the beginning of the week I have known what to pray for - release. No more doubt or guilt about it. Father God take her home - so she can run and dance and act goofy and be free from guilt or doubt and be filled with the most complete love she's ever felt in her life.

My mind is going 50,000 different ways. I'm not sad like I was in March. I'm frustrated and worried about Em and Dad and Aunt Becky. And a little because I don't understand why He's taking so long. I know - I don't get to know and I know His plan is designed out of perfect love so it is absolutely best. I just wish I knew.

And I feel bad for all the times when people lost a loved one that I didn't empathize well. It's hard - even when you know she's headed for the greatest home every built. And it's consuming because this person that's fading away has helped to shape the person that you are today and even though you know better in your head, your heart is breaking.

And I have to stop myself from worrying about everyone else. This person's plans and what will this person do or what if it just a few more days then THIS will be an issue. And last night or this morning it occured to me that I was being an idiot again - trying to control things with prayer. God knows everyone's schedules and responsibilities be it work or church or travel. And He CAN make them all work. I'm just praying that it's soon for Nana. That's it.

And He'll give me the patience I need.

Prayerfully Heavy Days

Yesterday and today, I have been overwhelmed with the big-ness of the things in life that need prayer:

- Emily emailed yesterday that Nana is mostly unresponsive. She and Nana prayed that last night would be the last night she'd be in pain. I wanted to join them and add Dad and Emily and Aunt Becky to the list. I want to earnestly pray that each day for her.

- Our friend who is so struggling with a marriage and personal demons. That is a fiery furnace - refining at it's most painful.

- A friend who is struggling with a God-sized problem with finances and housing and custody that appears to have no earthly resolution.

But God's also given me this big list of things to pray in gratitude about:

- Due to some staff changes, Bob is now the permanent ICC worship leader. He is stoked about it. No other words to describe the amazing work He is doing in Bob's life.

- Emily shared how she prayed with Molly and Sarah on one occasion and Ben and Grace on another.

- I think I'm starting to understand where I fit in to ICC. God seems to be guiding me to be an encourager. It might be a temporary space but for now, it's working for His plan and His church.

Piercing Even to the Dividing Assunder of Soul and Spirit...

I can't at this moment recall where that verse is but it was a part of the beginning of every service at Berachah, the church of my youth. And I get what this means in piercing, when I read the list that a new bloggy friend posted of the difference between a proud and broken person. Keep in mind that this isn't offered in judgement but in confession. I am barely even one of the broken things and so easily the proud. If you have a few minutes, it is a long list but it's worth the look in our mirrors....

http://susanzplace.blogspot.com/2008/08/you-may-not-want-to-read-this-just.html

Shellfish

Okay - it would be easier if I were going to blog about shellfish. But I'm not. It's a cute way of saying a really ugly word. I've got a lot of selfish behaviors to work on and the Holy Spirit is bringing them into some pretty bright and painfully clear lighting. A few items that have come to mind just since this morning:

- Praising God when you are frustrated and overwhelmed pushes selfishness aside.

- Asking God to bless you richly for the benefit of others around you and His glory is not selfish and doesn't even feel that way - in the least!

- Keeping pet sins in a corner of yourself is VERY SELFISH. I read a devotional passage today by Beth Moore that was EXTREMELY CONVICTING. It led to a sort of stream of consciousness revelation. Beth's devotional talked of a sin that she kept feeling bad about that had long ago been confessed. Her realization was some thing to the effect that repenting of sins because you feel bad because you know they are not God's will for you life is different from having real sorrow over the sin. I don't think I understand the Godly sorrow thing very well - and in fact, I've never believed it was part of out and out forgiveness. However, in reading this, I can think of a few sins in my life - past and present, where I know I'm confessing/ acknowledging/ rebounding out of pure ritual. And as I stood in front of of the mirror getting ready this morning, I realized that in confessing those sins, I was totally trying to manipulate God into forgiving me - playing a game that I thought I could win. And that is TOTALLY WRONG and COMPLETELY OFFBASE. As I look back, I realize that there were most certainly consequences to this. I might think He forgave me for the sin and let me start somewhat fresh, but He knew full well that my intentionality in continuing in selfish behaviors was bringing discipline into my life. And so it goes for some of the things I do now. All part of the selfishness that wants what I want no matter if it costs others or God.

Ahhh, the flinchy pain of conviction mixed with the joy of revelation......... I'm growing to love it. Really. Not kidding...... God knows that I am so excited for Him to keep on stomping the daylights out of my pride.

Overwhelmed and Off Balance

That's my downfall. I get overwhelmed and then the guilt heaps on. Right now, I have a thousand and a half things that I SHOULD do every weekend but it's been beautiful nearly every Saturday or Sunday of the last month. Here has been my thinking - I only have three months to enjoy the pool. June was a wash because of planning mom and dad's weekend and it was rainy. I'm not even sure I had a weekend to just read and lounge until right before the party.

So now that it's been nice I've been reading and hanging out in the pool as much as possible, there are things that aren't getting done. The dust bunnies have built up significantly. And a certain loved one made an observation this weekend that made me question that neglected chore. I've rehashed things since then and I still think that is an okay choice to make.

My hang up is that while making the sacrifice of clean for fun is an acceptable one, it still doesn't sit well. Lots of things have gone to h-e- double hockey sticks. Yard work, bank statements, filing, the list goes on and on....... And that my friends is how I roll - guilt, guilt, guilt. I neglect to find peace in the things that I am making an effort to keep caught up. I dwell on all the areas I fall short in. Know what's funny (other than the fact that every woman deals with this dilemma)? This happens every year. And every year I freak out about this time as the summer wanes, and I see how much I have to do. Funny part two? The world hasn't yet collapsed in a heap and neither have I.

So I've decided to put this in my faith/ prayer jar. I don't have balance - if I'm not killing myself, I think I'm a slacker and I'm susceptible to the least inclination or comment from others that way. So even when I'm seeking it, I can't find it. So - in yet another area of my life (following recently behind body image, weight loss, and selfishness - ouch!!) I am giving it back to God. If I don't have control, I think my world is going to implode. And deep down, I know better. I serve a God who has my best in each and every plan. He IS PERFECT BALANCE. So the only way I'm likely to have balance is to have Him - every day, all the time.

PS - In the realm of body image and weight loss, He's really been surprising me. In the last few weeks, I have lost 12.5 pounds. Without obsession, without deprivation of giant measure, and with out compulsion. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me - cause this stuff is off the chart NOT ME!!!

For the Love of Life

I love flowers and plants. Watching them bloom and grow has been a recent hobby and there are some photos that explain why it is such a joy. God has made such beauty and wonder in living things.
The flowers that my friend sent after my visit with her and our friend Caralyn a few weeks back. It was a beautiful surprise!

The gorgeous Hibiscus that Bob's mom got me for my birthday! It's still blooming now - been a couple weeks!

My garden/ pride and joy! What a lot of work but how fruitful! If that isn't a parallel to the spiritual life, I don't know what is. This was taken a couple of weeks ago and since then I've had to unattractively stake up my tomato cages because the shear weight of the plants was pulling them over. The beans are almost done now but the basil is still going to town even after being plucked clean a few times! Can't wait for the gold mine of tomatos that is on it's way!

Living Proof Live 2009!

http://www.lifeway.com/ev/events_detail_mainpage/0%2C2232%2CE%25253D39%252526M%25253D200979%2C00.html

For months I have been reading the LPM/ Moore family blog and wistfully watching the recap slideshows, wondering why she never came to Pittsburgh........

Then a few hours ago, my Aunt Becky sent me an email that she was coming, she was coming, SHE WAS REALLY, REALLY COMING!!!!! Next year June 12-13 on the eve of my 39th birthday she'll be here at the Peterson Event Center at Pitt! I am so excited I could just scream! Or dye my hair blond.... or sing a praise song at the top of my lungs with my hands all a-wavin'....... Anyhow. If you need me on those two days, I will be busy - very, very busy loving God and singing with Travis Cottrell and learning me something new from my favorite Arkan-Texan Bible teaching friend Beth Moore!!

See you there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A New Look!

Hey! Don't go away! It's still me!! I've just changed the template on the blog to make things less cluttered looking. I like it. Not as cozy as the last one but goes with my theme - a lighthouse, a beach, seeking peace and hope. Anyway, same old me!

Oh and for those that have noticed that I changed my photo, I'm desperately seeking that too:) Three years and so many pounds but the same old me inside!!

Good Reads

www.goodreads.com

So THIS is what has kept me from blogging in the last few weeks!! :) Not exactly the website but the reading. My summer reading phase has finally kicked in and I am devouring books of all kinds. My most recent start is a 1200 pager so I imagine I'll hit a bit of a stall but I LOVE THIS SITE! It's a networking site but it allows you to enter in all the books you are reading, have read or would like to read. And in a reading family like mine, it's so fun to see what we're up to! And it takes all kinds of books to keep us entertained so we have quite a variety! Check it out and become my friend!!

Happy Reading!

And Dena discovers pesto

After all these years of questioning the taste of green things, I think overall I've found that most green things are pretty palatable with just a few exceptions. My friend Carrie questions my sanity in not liking guacamole but that has less to do with color than consistency. Mostly green is good. And perhaps now that I've tried pesto and found out that I was missing something so AWESOME for so long, I'll be more adventurous with my tastebuds.







My sister Carrie, has asked that I post my recent discovery here so she can give it a whirl too. Credit for this very Italian looking recipe with imprecise measurements and "a bit of this or that" references goes to my boss who IS very Italian and LOVES to cook even though she has three kids and I can't even get my head around that.... :)



"O.k., here is what I do… I fill my food processor about halfway with the basil leaves (when I do not have enough basil, I throw in some fresh Italian parsley to supplement). Traditional basil pesto uses pine nuts (aka pinoli (sp?) nuts). Pine nuts are rather expensive so I substitute with almonds or pretty much any nut that I have on hand. I toast the nuts on the stovetop just until I begin to smell them toasting (if you ever toasted nuts then you know what I mean).

To the basil, I add the nuts, about 2 handfuls of freshly grated parmesan cheese, a couple of small cloves of garlic (the garlic thing is a personal preference, some people add more than me but I just like a hint of garlic) and just a pinch of salt. I pulse my food processor for a minute or so to grind everything together and then I slowly drizzle in olive oil while running the food processor. My best guess is that I add about ¼ to ½ cup of olive oil when using the large food processor. Basically, you want to add enough oil to bring the pesto to the consistency of peanut butter (maybe a little looser).

Sorry for the lengthy instructions. The whole process only takes a few minutes."


I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT. On salmon, on tuna melts, on salad, on vegetables, on bread. It's good and I have enough fresh basil to keep the good feeling going!!

So good luck to you!