Shellfish

Okay - it would be easier if I were going to blog about shellfish. But I'm not. It's a cute way of saying a really ugly word. I've got a lot of selfish behaviors to work on and the Holy Spirit is bringing them into some pretty bright and painfully clear lighting. A few items that have come to mind just since this morning:

- Praising God when you are frustrated and overwhelmed pushes selfishness aside.

- Asking God to bless you richly for the benefit of others around you and His glory is not selfish and doesn't even feel that way - in the least!

- Keeping pet sins in a corner of yourself is VERY SELFISH. I read a devotional passage today by Beth Moore that was EXTREMELY CONVICTING. It led to a sort of stream of consciousness revelation. Beth's devotional talked of a sin that she kept feeling bad about that had long ago been confessed. Her realization was some thing to the effect that repenting of sins because you feel bad because you know they are not God's will for you life is different from having real sorrow over the sin. I don't think I understand the Godly sorrow thing very well - and in fact, I've never believed it was part of out and out forgiveness. However, in reading this, I can think of a few sins in my life - past and present, where I know I'm confessing/ acknowledging/ rebounding out of pure ritual. And as I stood in front of of the mirror getting ready this morning, I realized that in confessing those sins, I was totally trying to manipulate God into forgiving me - playing a game that I thought I could win. And that is TOTALLY WRONG and COMPLETELY OFFBASE. As I look back, I realize that there were most certainly consequences to this. I might think He forgave me for the sin and let me start somewhat fresh, but He knew full well that my intentionality in continuing in selfish behaviors was bringing discipline into my life. And so it goes for some of the things I do now. All part of the selfishness that wants what I want no matter if it costs others or God.

Ahhh, the flinchy pain of conviction mixed with the joy of revelation......... I'm growing to love it. Really. Not kidding...... God knows that I am so excited for Him to keep on stomping the daylights out of my pride.