Bob's Struggle with Becoming an Ex-smoker

So with the official break in the weather and God's amazing grace, my life has improved so dramatically over the last several weeks that it is beyond words. He broke the anxiety in half. He gave me the chance to heal by singing at Memorial Park. He gave us an awesome albeit short night at Nemacolin for a marriage seminar. He gave me a recommitted spirit to the Breaking Free study. He gave me the amazing gift of Bob's testimony on Easter. He gave me a wonderful weekend with Ben. This last month has been everything that the previous 6 plus weeks were not.

So after writing all that when I think about how God can work in both Bob and I while he quits smoking..... I guess we don't have much to worry about..... :)

Neglecting a Big Job

This week I've been struck by the struggles that my husband is having. He's in a pretty rough patch. In fact, I'd say he seems to be in one of the more brutal yet subtle struggles I've seen him in. And there is so much at stake. He's struggling with relationships of all kinds and his bad habits that affect those relationships. If you think about it, that is about as comprehensive of an area as you can get. And if you know him, you will know that this is VERY difficult for him. He has immense difficulty with relationships. There is something at the root of it and it's a mystery right now. He's balking at things in a very reactive way and I can almost catch a glimpse of what's eating him and then it's gone. So I pray. And I've prayed for him a great deal recently. But one thing I regularly fail to remember is that I am his biggest support system. My words are either the wind beneath his wings or the bat that knock him out of the sky. Ouch. Not only is he relatively new to his walk with Jesus but he's a ministry leader. That's a lot. Big expectations of him. And quite literally he is Moses saying, "Dude, I think you have the wrong guy. Have you seen me? Really?" But God has seen him. I know our Father and I know that He loves Bob so much and this is what this pain is about. He has a new name for Bob and right now Bob's in the wrestling match of his life. Father, I cannot pray on his struggle because I want it to stop but I want him to be more like you. So I pray that you will make me into the wife I need to be to him through this. In your Son.

New Starts

Bob is starting his new office job today - with a positive attitude and an enthusiasm that is really encouraging. He's taken a winding road over the last years but with some prayer and determination, I think this will be the beginning of a new era. A time when his job is not who he is but something that he does so that he can enjoy the rest of his life.

I know that it's unlikely that this will be smooth sailing but that's okay. Bob will always prefer couch dwelling in the same way that I would prefer beach or pool dwelling to work but one thing that he said while we were Shelia's last time made all the difference.

Shelia: "How are you going to make sure this job is different?"
Bob: "I have to make the most of what I do outside of work. Do things that count."

Can't beat that for a strategy.

And he's not doing it alone - for the first time. He has the greatest power in the universe standing next to him. And the big JC has also blessed him with some great male friends who struggle with career as identity and can be support and vice versa. Michael is amazing and its just so awesome to see how comfortable Bob is with Michael and how they support one another in ways that I just cannot as a woman or even as his wife. I'm so grateful for that - and I'm sure he is even more so.... :)

Cousin It and a Rainbow at the Tea Room

Now that would be a title for a children's book, huh? These three items aren't really connected but the title sounded fun in my head so I thought I'd just go with that!


COUSIN IT - Bob got me the coolest birthday present - as usual. After days of pleading with me to give him an idea, he came up with this. It's a tiki hut for our back porch to replace the bowing umbrella! And the extra fun part is that it folds up like a tent to be stored in the dining room where I have affectionately named it Cousin It. I think it bears a striking resemblance. Don't you?

The rainbow picture below isn't as good as I'd hoped but it gives me a chance to tell you about how we saw it which allows us to tell you a little bit about Jason, the other guitarist/vocalist in the summer ICC band. He was coming over for practice and he came running into the house saying RAINBOW, RAINBOW and led us out onto the deck. And there it was. He so wanted to share it with us that he ran up into the house without his guitar. That's a good way to describe Jason. He's just so passionate and he so wants to share his love of Christ. He's crazy and we love him - and his family.

And the Tea Room. Last Saturday my awesome friend Carrie took me for a surprise birthday trip. She had asked for a Saturday morning at Christmas and we just couldn't get it together then. She never did tell me what was in store. She's quite a secret keeper. So we finally rescheduled for Saturday morning for a belated birthday and I headed up to her house. We wove through some back roads and ended up at this cute little house past Seven Fields. Carrie and I were served tea promptly at the 11am bell in a beautifully Victorian setting at a place called The Johnstone House. It was so pretty and feminine and they do treat you like a Queen. The food was delicious and the tea was a real treat. It was just an awesome gift and such a great thing to share between friends. She is such a blessing to work beside and an amazing friend.

These three things are pretty unrelated but they do remind me that I am richly blessed with people in my life that love me. Love me even when I'm not lovable. It's no wonder that the best friends I have in my life - whether old or new or family are the ones with Christ in the center. Some days all I can do is wonder how He does it - and why. I'm so grateful.

Such a Lovely Day

I had quite a day yesterday. Unexpectedly lovely!

When I woke up it was ordinary. Nothing too special planned. Regular day at work and then we were headed to the park for an ICC dinner with a new missions group. 41 kids from North Carolina. God had more than ordinary in mind.

I a-hem "accidentally" (God tweaking your life is not well worded as an accident) called my dad instead of my mom around 10 and found that he was down in Pittsburgh at his new account. He is working on treating the water that is being pumped out of the tunnel they are digging under one of the rivers right in town. His call to the account went real short and he offered to sit at McDonalds and wait for me to be done to have lunch. We got salads at noon and headed over to the park for lunch. His offering to do that was really nice considering some of the feelings I'd had in the last week about people bumping me for other plans. Made me feel special. And we had a great lunch - took some McDonald's to the park and just talked. Just a rare chance to have lunch with my dad. Kept me going for the afternoon.

After work we went straight over to the park for dinner with everyone from church. Bob had COMPLETELY changed his tune on it. Last week when Ami asked him he didn't want to go. Before we left, he said that we might have a lot of fun so I should relax about the things I needed to get done. At Jason's pleading, he brought his guitar so they could play a few songs after eating.
I know I'll never do justice to this moment. I sat on a picnic bench and watched my husband play "How Great is Our God" with Jason and Steve - the leader from North Carolina. I heard 60 plus voices singing at the top of their lungs about the love of their Savior that filled them so much that they had to praise Him. I was overwhelmed with love for my God and love for my husband who loved God and was loving every moment of loving Him. I saw folks walking through North Park turning their heads and then smiling. Maybe they recognized the song. Maybe they appreciated the atmosphere of praise and love that was moving upward like a cloud of smoke. It was a moment I'll never forget. I've dreamed of moments like that. And the God we serve is always good and He gave me that moment and I don't ever want to lose it.

More answered prayer

I got to spend last evening in the computer room with the door closed. In at least one season in my life closed in a room was punishment, but last night I found myself smiling more than once. I was closed in the back room because Bob was meeting for the second week with a great guy from church discussing the book of Job and the story of Joseph and getting to know each other and God better. They are gaining a bond in Christ and growing closer to Him. The hits - they just keep coming!! Not just one godly man as an answer to my prayers but a handful. Thank you Father for the grace that comes barreling down the pipeline daily.

Thoughts on the Day

- It was a joy to celebrate with Bob as he "went public" with his faith in Jesus Christ.
- Having family there was just awesome. Everyone shared in the wonder at how all of it happened.
- There were smiles all around and tears of joy too. His mom and sister, my mom and sister, me. All crying as we sang "My chains are gone, I've been set free...." He's a different guy than a year ago.
- Having 35 people at my house to eat was not as bad as I thought. Then again, the weather cleared up in time for everyone to be able to sit outside comfortably. Later, the kids and the band even played ball in the yard for awhile.
- It was awesome that our two families came together through a love of Bob and through God to heal some of the wounds that seemed permanent just a few years ago.
- Marianne was amazing as always. She spoke with my family about Nana and her own loss of her mom less than a year ago. Then later sat with Bob's mom. She should have been a counselor. :) I can attest to it myself and now she's moving on to our families......... And there is comfort that it all comes from her being centered in God.
- People really seemed to enjoy themselves. Everyone stayed for at least a little while and relaxed and talked and ate.
- The food held up pretty well. We have A LOT leftover of some things but that's okay.
- Everyone had gone by 2 and I had cleaned up the most of it by 3:30. Life returns to normal. But not really.......

Things will be different for our eternity now. Not perfect, not without trial, not without pain. But better - full of hope and growing closer to our Savior while growing closer to each other. I still don't know what to say about that. I've been waiting all my life for that and it's like starting brand new after 10 years. Who would have thought that the next big milestone after our marriage problems was BAPTISM!!! Not me. I can't wait to see what He has in store for us next!!

Perfect, Bob is not but so much. The man I can love and respect that with the help of his Heavenly Father can stand before all those folks and declare before them that Jesus Christ has hold of his life..... That was as much love I could hold in my heart at that moment - and what I could not hold in my heart spilled out in tears..... I love you, Bob because God first loved us......

Lessons on Attack

Yesterday Bob realized that Satan was getting dirty with his strategy. Particularly so with his baptism upcoming. It was a day of mixed blessings. See my post from yesterday for an update on Nana.

I'm not sure if I had ever really considered that Satan would bother with me until the last several years. I recall someone once told me in my ugliest times that if I didn't believe that Satan was capable of kicking me when I was down, I wasn't reading my Bible closely enough. And if he'll kick you when you're down he's sure not going to hesitate when you're on the rise.

I think it's a little bit like being so in the Word that you get what God's trying to tell you. You hear him better because the Holy Spirit literally resonates better with what's in your soul. With doctrine and truth inside, it literally vibrates inside us when God is trying to tell us something. And when Satan is after us - that has a feeling all its own. Whatever the opposite of resonance is - like cringing at a bad chord because you KNOW it doesn't go.

Then I read the entry for yesterday in Beth Moore's Breaking Free Day by Day:

2 Corinthians 11:3
I fear that, as the serpent deceived Eve by his cunning, your minds may be corrupted from a complete and pure devotion to Christ.

She points out that Paul was saying here that the simile here is as/like - in the same way. Satan pursues us here just like he pursued Eve. It is not man we fight against - it is principalities and powers of darkness.

Give him hell, Bob. You've been adopted into the Royal Family of God.

A Day of Blessing and Tests

This morning God really spoke to Bob. We talked briefly before I left for work and I was overwhelmed. I just had this wonderful feeling that Bob was finally in a place where he could sometimes be my support. Check out his blog for details:

http://bobmasterino.blogspot.com/2008/04/under-attack.html

Then later on this afternoon I had a wonderful conversation with Bob's mom. Nothing extraordinary just loving and encouraging from both sides. I've missed that.

Then I made some calls to yellowpages.com. I've been working on the contract he signed for advertising. In 6 weeks, he's not received one referral from it. When I first decided to call I toyed with the idea of stretching the truth or being belligerent to try and convince them to cancel the contract. And I was compelled - by a rather convincing source {read God} that I should just be totally honest and let it up to God to do whatever was His will. I spoke with our rep. He respected my honesty but could not do much because of policy. However, he did give me the phone number for his supervisor. I spoke with him this evening. Although nothing has been decided, there's at least a chance. They were receptive to our dilemma and will be reviewing it with the supervisor above him. There's no explanable reason that he is getting no calls. It should have worked - but perhaps that wasn't what God had in mind. The fact that no one knows why this isn't working is very telling. So we'll just have to wait in faith. That one is kind of a blessing and test of faith at once.

Then the test. Emily called tonight in crisis. Nana is hallucinating because of an infection and it is tearing everyone up inside. Emily is having a hard time because Nana thinks that everyone is conspiring against her. I spoke with Nana for a few moments and prayed with her. And it was bad - it didn't appear to help but God works in His own time. The whole situation is just so painful. Daddy was just getting there when Emily hung up. If you read this, please pray for all of them. Nothing like this is easy.

UPDATE: I talked with Dad this morning and got an email from Em. Nana settled down about 11 last night. Emily laid in bed with her after she hesitantly took a Ativan. She felt like she had a terribly vivid nightmare. I think Emily felt the same way. Keep praying for Emily and Dad and Nana. They are on the frontlines on this one and are taking turns being pretty battleworn.

Outlook for Sunday

Cloudy with a chance of a brand new life!!! Bob's baptism is scheduled for Sunday and the preliminary forecast is partly cloudy in the high 60s with a 30% chance of rain. With thirty or so folks headed for Casa De Masterino, let's hope for highest of 60s and some sun so people can mingle outside and the kids can play!!! Believe God can change a life? Then some good weather to top off a week of being able to have the energy to get a bunch done is nothing!!

Great day at ICC

Today was a really good day at church. Beautiful weather, a great message and a huge cheering section for Bob! I arrived with a spring in my step - just a little perkier than normal and found many in the same spirits. The buzz in the cafe lobby was really invigorating with so many folks there. We are moving to a new level of attendance - 63 people today - very exciting. I was actually looking forward to possibly running the visuals this week and voila' - my prayer was answered. I was on and things went relatively stress free if not smoothly!

Bob had a great day too. His dad made the effort to come and see him play. If you could only have seen how that made him feel.... Bill came too so he really did have his own section. God is doing amazing things through him. And he felt like he had his best playing day ever! I think he does great every week so I'm biased. I never hear any mistakes he makes. They were rough on a few songs as a band but I'll tell you - he should always go to concerts just to keep his feet moving! He was really up there playing his heart out for God. The second time they played the song "We Stand" was awesome!! Bob was psyched and Neil really got the crowd riled up. If you want to hear crowd reaction, check out last week's first few seconds of the podcast. You can hear the reaction people had to the song.

http://www.ironcitychurch.com/downloads.html

All this leading up to his baptism day. What a day! I'm really excited about it.