Fireproof

Bob and I went to see Fireproof this afternoon. I was excited that he even was willing to go and elated that before he even saw it he wanted to buy The Love Dare book. He's come a long way in a year but I wasn't sure about what he'd think about an openly Christian movie. He agreed even when we thought we'd have to go way out of his radius to see it at the Waterfront. Then he agreed when it was closer but in the middle of college football afternoon game times.

I loved it. The acting wasn't stellar all around but it was very well done. But what held me was the reality of the situation. Things didn't happen just like that for Bob and I three years ago but there were eerie similarities. Divine similarities in how it all wrapped up in a renewed love only possible through reflecting of the same unconditional love that Christ bestows on us. I laughed and I cried. And I watched in wonder, having listened to several radio shows this week explaining how they filmed it with a budget of $100k and one camera and no paid actors.

We walked out of there and Bob said - hold on - "That was awesome." I think we're both processing it tonight. Things with us are better than they have ever been - but they can be better. They'll always be like that until we can love with that agape love that Christ loves us with. Even when we're unlovable. Even when we're pathetic and selfish and dead wrong. I don't know how people do it without God. How they manage crises in life and marriage and family without Him.

It was a risky film to make. And I pray it draws an enormous crowd this weekend - bringing thousands to consider this love that Christ offers not just as a "crutch" as Caleb first calls it - but as a real and practical way of living life and loving each other - one day at a time. And I hope they make more and more and more films like this....... God is clearly at work.

Experiencing God

We have finished up our bible study on Experiencing God and Tommy was right. It was life-changing.

The first memory verse was John 15:5
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, He will bear much fruit. Apart from me you can do NOTHING."

That one verse encapsulates everything that I've learned from the study. Learned might not be the right word. Maybe metabolized. I knew it. It made sense. But did I get the full implications of it - not a chance.

Apart from me - in disobedience, in rebellion, in confidence in self rather than confidence in God - I can do NOTHING. When I insert myself into this divinely breathed equation NOTHING is absolute zero. The total absence of light. Results in frustration and worry short and simple.

Over the course of the study we were asked to reflect on the study. I don't want to lose sight of any of these things:

1. Stop worrying and start putting that energy into trusting in God's plan.
2. Know that God is at work in EVERY area of our life. God is calling me to be a leader by serving those who are in charge of all those areas.
3. When I am getting caught up in my somethings, I am DOING NOTHING.
4. In order for me to see God working, I have to clear out all of the ME in things that are clouding my vision.
5. Waiting is part of God's plan for me - less of me and more of Him.
6. Obedience means I have to stop making lists of why I can't - too incovenient, doesn't make sense, people don't understand.....
7. Obedience means not fighting Him on things that I don't want to do.
8. The emptiness I feel sometimes is call to Him - not any one of the substitutes that I usually use to satiate (unsuccessfully) my melancholy.
9. Trust and obey is a path to God's best - it won't always be a pretty or a clear path but He already knows the end. He can't do any less. He's perfect love.
10. QUIT BRINGING MY NO INTO GOD'S YES PLAN. His plan results in joy even when you can't imagine it could. He's God!!!!
11. More faith means less planning and less overanalysis. So I have to turn off the worry and let God do His thing.
(This one felt wrong all my life. "Doesn't God want me to DO something?" And I've been learning that the answer is no. I DO and I forget that it's God doing. Don't get me wrong - I don't turn off my brain. But my brain is slowing turning on to the idea that my doing and thinking are attempts at rerouting God.)
12. Admitting that I am selfish and have been for a long time is hard. But it's true. That's my nature and God's trying to refine that right out of me. Pride. Ouch. Quit being defensive about my past and admit that God's been trying to get rid of it for a LONG TIME. My stubborness has prolonged it.
13. Praise Him when I am feeling self-involved. It works. It reminds of who He is.
14. Listen to Him.
15. I can't just chuck it all in a panic. That's me trying to fix things again. And it doesn't work. Ever.
16. Believe that He can do anything even when it doesn't make sense from my limited viewpoint.
17. Prayer is huge. Do it all the time. Everyday. About everything.
18. Believe God. I need to step out in FAITH ALONE.
19. God-sized tasks are His way. See 18 for His methodology. Things that for years I haven't been able to do on my own are how He works. And when that happens, others see that there is no way that it could be other than GOD.
20. Give things to Him and stop taking them back.
21. When things are uncomfortable (servanthood and humility) keep obeying His call to change - with joy.
22. Sharing means absence of self. The warmth of sharing is not in the good it feels for me but joy in sharing HIM.
23. Love all parts - people are hard to love. Maybe impossible without the love of Christ and the strength of the Holy Spirit.
24. Pray for clarity when you don't know if you are hearing from God right. He's not going to withhold that from His children.
25. All of this is for Him. Not me. His glory. His name. His purpose.
26. The absence of the me is HUGE in our marriage.
27. Every interaction with those kids I love so much is an opportunity that should be preceeded by prayer.

That's a long list but it was a HUGE study. It really has changed things. That's a lot to digest so I'll have to ponder that for awhile.

To my mom

I wonder if any of us ever stopped and considered how hard Carrie flying the coop and them moving back to Ohio was on you, Mom. It was kind of a whirlwind time – and it all happened over a few years. But I was thinking about how hard it must have been. You were the kind of mom that did little for yourself so when there wasn’t the us to do things for, you were probably pretty out of sorts. I’m sorry I didn’t ever think about it. We were all so busy – Carrie graduated and changed jobs and found a place and then Dan, I met Bob and got married and moved in together (not in that order J), and Emily and Ray got married and had Molly all in that time.

I was listening to this radio program today and realized that your – dare I say – unnatural attachment to the pets coincided so perfectly with empty nest that it’s no wonder you needed to take care of something. You are an awesome mom and we love you.

A Celebration of Love

I'm not entirely certain how to record the moments of last week. I'm inclined to just dump and come back and elaborate when it isn't so overwhelming. Let me apologize in advance for the length of the list. I love blogging but as the headstrong person I am, I am maintaining this as my modern day journal - a place to reflect. So this is one of those rules that I can't abide :)

- The kids - I cannot begin to explain the joy and sadness of watching each of my amazing neices and nephew deal with the loss of their great grandmother. The three oldest in one way and the three youngest in another. Sad but so blessed by the way that Nana touched their lives. Molly's private cry, Sarah's open sadness, Emma's sadness, wave to Nana and concern with the casket lowering. Grace's bold questions and later her grief as she went back to school. Ben's football twirling and concern that he'd wake up Nana. Hope's empathetic sadness that she didn't quite understand.

- The joy of our family - the amazing people that Nana brought together. My cousins and sisters. I cannot get over how lucky we are to be blessed with such love and strength.

- My wake me up in the middle of the night talk with God where He gave me really clear instructions on exactly what I was supposed to say at Nana's service. Per Bob, I called people out to come to know Jesus so they could know how we could find joy in sadness.

- My cousin, Scott, who has quite literally become a complete Jesus Freak and I LOVE IT!

- Grandchildren and great grandchildren singing joyfully for Nana's coming home. Grace and Emma holding papers that they couldn't read but insisting that they have the right papers.

- Breakfast at the fancy table with just Emma where we had a marvelous talk about school and movies and all kinds of things. It was awesome. And Hope who joined us later said that she had gotten all smiley faces the week before - quite a feet for the definition of spirited child. But the topper was this.
Me: "When you get back will keep getting them?"
Hope: "Yep - another, and another and another and another and another..... and then <arms wide open> COLLEGE!!!!" I almost cramped up laughing....

- Emily talking about her dad. The dad whose love and caring for his mother set a very high bar. He was the selfless and incredibly loving man that we know he is.

- All the Barefoot and Saylor family who love each other and come together. The sadness for Uncle George and Uncle Wes as they mourn the loss and the feeling of being a bit more alone.

- The particularly sad grieving of both Ray and Uncle Bill. Two men who don't cry. It was almost too much to bear. But on the other hand another testimony to the love my Nana shared throughout her life.

- Bob and Ray and Dan being supportive and loving when we needed them the most.

That so doesn't capture it but Daddy said that he will be putting together a booklet with some things from the memorial service and perhaps that will do it.

But as the days have worn on, I am sad as I look at her picture that she's just not there. I'm sad that there will not be any more memories made. I've said a few times since then, I can barely be patient enough not to click the mouse 6 times to allow a screen to load on the web. And now God means for me to wait however long to see her again....... comical :) But I am so happy for her. She's with Popi and her sisters and some brothers and her mom and dad and a handful of nephews and lots of people who she's known over the years who will tell her how God used her to enrich their lives. Can't think of anything else that could make us happier. Nana's home.

Day Two as a Not-Smoker

These last ten days have been full.

I still have yet to gather my thoughts enough to write about Nana's homecoming celebration. But I will because I want to record what happened there. The joy amid the sadness.

Bob and I celebrated our tenth anniversary with some quiet time together. Another thing that I'd like to write more about.

But right now, the item most prominent in my noggin is that both Bob and I have not been smokers for two days now. I stop short of calling us non-smokers because the nicotine is still in there at day two. And I'm using the patch and he's trying the gum.

I'm doing okay. I've been feeling a little wacky in the morning, maybe a little dizzy - don't say it - I know I'm dizzy without this. But I'm pretty much okay in terms of cravings and habit. I've still wanted to smoke - like now as I sit in front of the computer or when I got home from work. But "they" are right. The craving lasts just a few seconds for me and then I'm okay. And I'm keeping myself busy - and I won't be running out of things to do for a long while!

Bob did great yesterday and felt fine this morning but the anger and anxiety is setting in. He decided to try the patch tonight and then concluded that he was best off just going to sleep. I hope he finds some peace there. If you are reading this, please say a prayer that God will give him the strength he needs to fight this particular enemy attack.

I've been toying with varying degrees of quitting since last year when Gracie nagged at me about smoking while we were on vacation - thanks Gracie Mo :). But since Bob and I started smoking inside the house (circa THE BAD TIME, March 2005) it's been hard for me to really quit. The cigarettes are there and available.

A little over two weeks ago, before church Bob calmly said, "What I'm about to say is going to shock you." Okay - don't EVER start a conversation with me that way (March, 2005 - again.) It alarmed me for the nanosecond that preceded, "I want to stop smoking."

During the previously noted bad time of mid-2005, Bob was in the throws of a deep depression, which resulted in a really difficult time in our marriage. Smoking was part of his long term plan not to be here on this planet forever. It broke me up when he talked that way. Well, PRAISE GOD, August 2007 came with Iron City Church and saving faith in Jesus Christ. And I think God has been speaking to Bob about not smoking anymore and that was the big change.

For both of us, health is a motivation - just generally feeling better, and money - which is huge. That money should be going other places that God is calling us to allocate it. Those are plenty good reasons. But for me, there's also the kids - like Grace, who see that we do that and look up to us. Don't want them to think that it's cool because I do it. And then that it's a filthy, stinky habit that is just plain gross.

So we'll keep at it. Dilligently. Keep us in your prayers.

My Nana

Lois Kathleen (Saylor) Barefoot, 82, Aurora, Ohio, formerly of Murrysville, and Fort Pierce, Fla., was called home to be with her Lord on Aug. 29, 2008, with her family at her side.

Born Oct. 14, 1925, in East Saint Clair Township, Bedford County, the daughter of William Meade Saylor and Carrie (Barefoot) Saylor. On Sept. 13, 1947, in Salix, she married Bernard B. Barefoot, who passed away on July 20, 1994. She is survived by their children, Gary S. Barefoot, and wife, Diane, (Cotton) Barefoot, Aurora, Ohio; Becky A. Henry and husband, David C. Henry, Friedens; six grandchildren, Dena Masterino and husband, Bob, Pittsburgh; Emily Kimpton and husband, Ray, Garrettsville, Ohio; Carrie Slusser and husband, Dan, Hebron, Ind.; Jennifer Vaughn and husband, Jeremy, Atsugi, Japan; Meagen Penatello and husband, Steven, Guyton, Georgia; Adam Henry and wife, Michele, Kennett Square; 11 great-grandchildren, Molly, Sarah, Ben and Grace Kimpton, Emma and Hope Slusser, Abigale and Kathleen Vaughn, Cort Henry, Amelia Penatello and Nathan Penatello, a soon to be newborn grandson; a brother, George R. Saylor and wife, Leah (Adams), Hermitage; two brothers-in-law, Darl E. Westover, Vero Beach, Fla.; Ned Weaver, Lewisburg and sister-in-law, Marge Barefoot, Ohio. She is preceded in death by four sisters, Nelle Weaver, Barbara Handwork, Mildred Oldham and Phyllis Westover; and three brothers, Duane Saylor, Palmer Saylor and Owen Saylor.

During her childhood and younger years, Kathleen was a member of the Pinegrove United Methodist Church in Fishertown. She also attended Parkview Baptist Church of Fort Pierce, Fla. and after moving to Ohio, regularly attended Parkside Church in Bainbridge. She was a graduate of East St. Clair High School class of 1943 and also was a graduate of the Conemaugh Valley Hospital School of Nursing class of 1946. For many years Kathleen worked as a registered nurse and about 1970, she began to follow her husband’s career, working wherever his work took them. Kathleen and Bernard lived in many locations over the years, but their main home was in the Monroeville - Murrysville area until their retirement to Fort Pierce in 1981. She continued to reside with friends and family in Florida until 2005, when she moved to Twinsburg, Ohio to be with her son and his family.

Kathleen was a caring and loving mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, sister and aunt, who will be greatly missed for her enthusiasm of life, love and family.

Friends may call 4 to 8 p.m. Monday and 10 a.m. until the hour of service Tuesday in the chapel of Dalla Valle Funeral Service. Funeral service will be held 11 a.m. Tuesday in the chapel at Dalla Valle Funeral Service. Scott Ream, pastor, officiating. Burial will be held at Fishertown Cemetery.

Sign guest book at :

http://www.legacy.com/PostGazette/GB/GuestbookView.aspx?PersonId=116679984