Ups and Downs

I've had such a weird week. Like a roller coaster - a very emotional roller coaster.

- Biggest loser - In facilitating the contest, it didn't occur to me that I would become discouraged but as I lost WAY less than I'd hoped by the first weigh in, I realized this was going to be challenging to keep my focus on what I'd set out for. Health and feeling better not a number. But God is working on me. I'm getting there.

- Money - I had a very real reminder that God is in control and I should learn to trust Him. After a day crying several times about our finances, I came home to wonderful surprise sent by my mom and a gift directly from God. I got on my knees and thanked Him and confessed my lack of trust. Then I got on the phone and thanked my mom for letting God work through her.

- Friends - I spent the better part of the weekend dreading going to my friend's shower. Money and appearance being my two stressors were the two things I was focusing on until my ride there when God clearly told me that this was not about me. And after arriving, He took the reigns and I had a nice time. Good time even though it made me long for the close friendship of Susan again.

- Emotions - Up and down and frustrated and sad for the last handful of days. Hormones? Maybe. But definitely hard to keep giving the thing back to God. I just feel so tenuous.

So I continue to pray. And hold my tongue and keep myself from sobbing...... What a wreck. And I say that with a smile and a shaking of the head.