Forgiveness - Part 2

Sometimes you get reinforcement and sometimes you get REINFORCEMENT!!! Today I heard two teachers refer to the forgiveness issue that God is working on with me. The first suggested that I make a point of recalling what I did wrong in the circumstance and then the things about them that I should honor. Let me tell you, I did plenty wrong. Maybe that's one of the reasons that God is working on me about this. Never at any point with this person did I create boundaries. The confidence I had about myself was not God-centered so it was so substance-less. I didn't value myself and it showed. I made wrong choices that showed how little I valued myself and I certainly wasn't acting like a child of God. So exactly why am I suprised that this person treated me in the same way that I treated myself? Um. I don't know. I don't think I've ever thought about it that way. I don't think it started out that way. But perhaps this was one of a long line of times when God was trying to get me to see that following Him may be optional but certainly not if you want an abundant and full life - a life full of joy - not sadness and disappointment.

Which leads me to the comments of the other teacher who asked - what is your statement of need? Jesus water to wine miracle told of his mother stating a need. Mine is I am out of forgiveness. I just didn't know how to forgive this person. But then my teacher asked - what are you full of? And it was bitterness. She described not exactly being overwhelmed by it, but when ANYTHING brought it to mind, bitterness or anger would spill out. And that is EXACTLY what I felt. I don't think about it all the time but when reminded of this person, I just couldn't be happy for them. I felt entitled to an apology. Jesus Christ is able to turn my bitterness for this person into love. And I know He can do it. It's happening already.

I have some apologizing to do to that person too. I'm sorry for blaming them for all the bad that happened.

Forgiveness

There have been some moments in my life where I have felt very pressed to forgive. The Holy Spirit has picked me up by my collar and dragged me to some issues that I didn't really want to deal with. Now is one such time. This is a long ago scar that seems to be throbbing a bit right now and I keep feeling like I need to forgive this person for the betrayal - betrayal which in fact impacts even forgiveness with people in my life right now. I'll be praying about how I'm supposed to do this. That part isn't so clear. My life has moved on since that time and there will never be a time nor will it ever be appropriate for me to tell this person that I'm sorry for the part I played and that I forgive them too..... I want to be able to say it. But part of me is still holding onto the need to hear an I'm sorry from them. I have to let it go. It bothers me more than it should and I know that God is the only one who can help. It wouldn't make sense to anyone else.......