A day at a time

I realized something about myself last night. My inability to live in the present really is crippling sometimes.

I suppose I've always known that I mull over the past and overplan the future. As a result, I spend a lot of time overthinking words I've said or situations in which I wished I'd done something different. Conversely, I spend just as much, if not more time worrying about the future. Really overridden with anxiety and dread sometimes. Like now.

While Bob - a very "in the moment" sort of guy - spends the time we have left with Gibson enjoying him, I could very well waste the time sobbing over what I'm going to do without him.

But then, isn't that how God must see my every days? He wants me to live with his daily manna. I know He's going to give me enough to get me through. Enough to have joy in a moment. Enough to have some of the most memorable times with my dog even now while he's sick.

For people who don't have dogs and don't get dog lovers, this parallel with my relationship to God may seem trite. But I believe with all my heart that He put Gibson in my life to not only teach me patience and kindness but to model the kind of unconditional love that He offers us. It really never matters how selfish I am - Gibson loves me anyway. It never matters that I've got no time for him and that he is on my last nerve - he loves me just the same. And sought me out to love me just the same the same as if I opened my arms.

Jesus didn't spend his 33 years of life mourning his eventual death. He lived and lived so fully that it serves as a template to all of us. A life full of joy and meaning. I need to live that way right now and it's going to take some work. I could pray that Gibson will be healed but that doesn't seem likely and I can't know if that's God's will for us. But I can pray with full confidence, knowing that He will answer, for the peace that comes with His sufficiency to meet the need of my day each morning. With joy and peace and love. I know He wants that. He wants that for me now when it's hard and He wants that for me for always.