Oh Jealousy!

I wish it weren't true but envy is sometimes a humongous problem for me. As I may have mentioned in the past, unfairness is some kind of trigger for me. Don't know why. Seems to be woven into the fabric of me. Yuck. Might have been a brief twinge in the last few years. Nothing significant. Then a few weeks ago, it reared its ugly head and I had to literally give myself a time out and pray about it. Last week was worse though. It was like some horrible dragon inside of me and I became jealous of someone I consider my friend. What kind of friend feels that way? Um - one that has her own lion's share of sin to deal with. I was bad. And I unleashed it on Bob and he was flat out disgusted by it - should have been too. It was hard to take that - but I deserved it. I should have gone to God when I first felt it brewing and I didn't. Instead I allowed myself to compose a lengthy list of reasons that it wasn't fair..... and it got pretty bad. There was a lot of scolding and lots of crying. I need that kind of reminder that I have plenty of my own sins.

Tommy often talks about Satan getting at us where we live during weeks when we're up to big stuff at ICC. And I often feel out of the line of fire. It wasn't coincidental that the enemy attacked during the week before Easter. And he attacked in a way that would have an outcome on Easter morning. Fortunately, Christ didn't win the moment but he won the battle and as a result, there was joy and love on Easter rather than jealousy and envy. Take that Satan. I have weakness but you don't own it. I am not ruled by sin.