I HEAR YA!!!!

Do you ever get the impression that you are spiritually deaf? I do. And I sure do act like it sometimes too. I love control and God is placing situation after situation in front of my spiritually deaf self saying the following,

“Dena – okay. We’ll go over this one more time. You don’t get to control everything. You don’t get to understand everything and sometimes you need to shut your eyes and take my hand and just let it go. And in these particular cases – you have no choice. You either faithfully cede the control or you drown in a wave of overwhelm at things bigger than you…..”

I can’t control death. I can’t control other people – no matter how close to me they are. I’ve tried my own home remedies for weight and arrogance loss and both come bounding back into the room like the proverbial 500# gorilla in the room. Things I can’t control. Contentment in the state of affairs of my lack of control. Ahhh it’s like a boomerang. I want to bring all those things to Him and leave it for Him because I’m so tired and overwhelmed right now. But as my wonderfully wise friend Marianne said, that does not mean that I won’t turn around and find that I’ve picked it back up in some dreamlike state. I’ll be putting it back often. As I once learned with forgiveness, giving up control is decidedly NOT a one time thing for me. Again and again. Day after day. I keep having to give God the control back after I’ve returned to get it thinking, “Maybe He just wants me to do this and such….” And before I’ve prayed about it to check on that suspicion, that darn thing is strapped to my back again……

Father, I know that if I cry out, you will hear me. Put me where I need to be. Help me listen when you explain what role you have for me with Bob and Nana. I know that your plans for me are to prosper and not to harm me, plans for a hope and a future. So let me rest in those for my weight and what’s next and for the next moment when someone will make me feel stupid and I will be inclined to rear up and get defensive and arrogant. I believe that I am a treasure in a ugly old clay pot. Lead me Father.

In Christ,
Amen